We all go through several phases in life when it becomes difficult for us to believe in ourselves. Such phases bring doubt, chaos, commotion and most importantly self-hate. We start losing faith in our capabilities and it gets easier for the world to convince us of our flaws. We start pointing out imperfections in every single aspect of our identity and thus, choose a path of self-destruction, mental instability and a pessimistic outlook on life.
It thus becomes imperative that we have a strong mental health to help us sail through such phases of self doubt, failure and negativity. However, no human being is born devoid of imperfections. Imperfection is a universal rule and no matter how hard we try we can never be entirely perfect. Therefore, it is very important for us to accept our imperfections and cherish them in order to become a better and happier human being.
It seems difficult but is an extremely essential thing to do, and once started, everything begins falling in place with a little effort and a firm belief. Here are a few simple yet important ways in which you can accept and love your identity even in the face of utmost uncertainties and failures.
- Accept that Imperfections are okay
“Your imperfections are marks of authenticity and that is the beauty of you.”
It is very normal and in fact good to have certain imperfections. When you can still find a room for improvement you keep on working towards betterment and this in turn continues to boost your growth. Imperfections are an inevitable human trait and instead of being ashamed of their existence, you should rather identify them and keep on improving to the best of your capabilities.
- Failures are just the postponement of Success, not its cancellation
“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”
As soon as we face failure we start giving up. It convinces us of our incapabilities and we either go down the path of self doubt or refrain from taking any risks in future. The biggest mistake most of us generally make is not leaving our comfort zones. We focus too much on the outcome and hence, actually fail to enjoy the process of trying. Failure gives you experiences that you might have never had if you hadn’t tried. It just means that success is deferred for a while but it can still be achieved if only you keep on trying.
- You don’t owe them any explanations
You can be anything you want and live your life as per your liking. Until and unless your words or actions implicate someone else or cause them any sort of mental or physical trouble, you’re not bound to explain your identity. You’re what you’re and you shall carry yourself with pride without feeling obligated to explain your beliefs to anyone who has a different opinion.
‘Every eye sees a different image and every mind thinks in a different manner. It doesn’t have to be right or wrong. You should take pride in your individuality.’
- Do not carry unreasonable expectations
“Do not expect too much” or “expectations hurt!”. Don’t we all get to hear this every time that we’re let down by someone or something? Well, the same applies on ourselves as well. Do not burden yourself with the weight of unreasonable expectations, especially when you stop enjoying the process and start fearing the outcome. Be like a blank paper, ready to be adorned with any word or image going to come its way. Just perform and take pride in your hard work, in your attempts but do not condition the beauty of your performance.
‘Do not judge the quality of your efforts on the basis of the outcome. Carry expectations that motivate you, not pressurize you.’
- Leave them alone to think what they feel is right, their opinions do not define you
- People are going to leave in spite of your best efforts and that’s okay
One thing that I always wish I had learnt a little earlier in life is that people will leave you. Sometimes even the best of your efforts will just not be enough, not because you’re wrong or they’re wrong. Wrong and Right are the creations of human beings and its just about the perspective. Sometimes right and wrong is not so apparent but you’ve to stop torturing yourself by thinking that it was your fault. Even if it was, be thankful that you learnt a lesson. Let them go because the ones worth staying and fighting for will also come along the way. It may sound cheesy or cliched, but sometimes destiny does know better than human beings and we should trust it when we have lost the control.
- You’ll always be a villain in someone’s story even if you don’t mean to
No matter how hard you try, some day, at some point in life, you will have to accept the fact that you cannot please everyone at the same time. I’ve learnt this the hard way and after being miserable for years trying to please everyone around I realized that the only person remaining unhappy in the end was me. Different minds and thus, different choices. At some point in life you will have to keep your happiness above their choices and do it the hard way. Yet, it is better than pretending or lying and being miserable inside. Even if someone gets hurt because of your choices when you didn’t actually mean to hurt them, in the long run they’ll understand it and some day they’ll even be glad that you chose your happiness because your misery won’t have made things easier for them either
- Avoiding toxicity is not selfish rather self preserving
To lead a happy and peaceful life, it is very essential that we keep away from all sorts of toxicity in life. Leaving the company of toxic people is not selfish, rather it is a way of preserving your peace of mind and ensuring a good mental health for yourself. Toxicity may not always originate from people, it can also be present in a certain situation or an atmosphere where you don’t feel at your best. In all of such cases the best solution is to keep away from negativity that tries to weigh you down and discourages you at every point.
‘Surround yourself with people and be at places that motivate you to become your best version instead of pulling you down with negativity and blame.’
- Try living one day at a time!
“Our anxiety doesn’t come from thinking about the future but from wanting to control it”
Planning about the future is good but do not wish to control it. Future is uncertain and unnecessary thinking over something which we cannot change only brings stress and anxiety. Try cherishing the moments in present without worrying excessively about the future. It is good to make plans and prepare for anticipated future scenarios, however, such plans should be flexible and it is equally important to enjoy just the moment in front of us. When a difficult task is broken into smaller achievable targets, it becomes easier to complete. The same is true for life. Trying to live one day at a time becomes much more enjoyable and peaceful than anticipating all the future possibilities at once and indulging in excessive worry.
These are some things that sound so easy and rational when written or preached but are equally difficult to practice. When you’re hurt, when you fail, when you’re alone or just tired of the hustle, you do not always find the calmness in yourself to actually understand logic. Yet, ups and downs are a part of life and if there are bad times, there are good ones as well.
You just have to keep on believing in yourself. Even on the days when you don’t like yourself very much, just stick around for a while because the good will show face again. More than loving yourself, it is about accepting yourself. Love follows acceptance eventually ❤